Maybe it’s fitting for April Fools that this one doesn’t have a clean version. Maybe the current upload spam will help this slip by unnoticed…

Anyway, for the true fans, there’s a story to go with it.

The afternoon sun was beating down mercilessly. It was only late spring, but the bustling concrete city of Manehattan was already becoming an oven. Everypony and everything was in motion constantly, carriages clattering by on the concrete, ponies talking way too loudly with each other as they rushed past, everything moving at the pace and grace of a landslide. At the same time weird smells kept wafting in and out, the palatable mixing in with the unpleasant and everything in between. Scootaloo shuffled her hooves anxiously, standing at very the back of the long line with her friends Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. A bead of sweat dripped down her forehead.

+Maybe the city wouldn’t stink so bad if they had some bucking bathrooms+, Scootaloo thought as she tightened her haunches.

They had been out on a week long field trip to Manehattan with the rest of her class. The trip had gone without incident, but this morning Scootaloo had missed her normal morning poop. Or she had tried to go, but nothing had wanted to come out – which was a slightly ominous sign. Usually she was a little too frequent, if not exactly regular, even for a pegasus and missing one usually meant it was going to come back with a vengeance.

But the group couldn’t really wait for her dumb butt to decide if it wanted to poop or not (not that she would have wanted everypony to know her inner workings anyway). So here she was, standing in a stagnant line to some boring old museum with her bowels backed up to rush hour levels. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad, but stopping at the hay dog booth twenty minutes ago had definitely been a mistake. Her bowels rumbled loudly at the mere thought of the heartburn inducing greasy treat.

“Scoots?” Sweetie Belle whispered, noticing her friend’s apparent discomfort. “Everything alright?”

“I really gotta make brownies” Scootaloo whispered back with a grimace.

“How bad?” Sweetie asked.

“Major,” Scootaloo said, cautiously rubbing her belly but finding no comfort. Her digestive system may have slept in that morning, but the street food had kicked her pegasus metabolism into overdrive. “It’s +bad+”

Apple Bloom leaned to Scootaloo’s side.

“Think ya can hold…” she looked to the very front of the line, where Cheerilee was having a seemingly heated debate at the ticket counter of the museum they were +trying+ to visit. The mare she was talking +at+ looked like they were fed up with +everything+ about +everything+.

“…jus’ a couple of minutes?” Apple Bloom finished, defeated.

Scootaloo shook her head. A couple of minutes she could do, +maybe+, but they were going to be +wayyy+ longer than that.

“Umm, how about… ya know, try to let off some helium?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ain’t no pony going to notice.”

Scootaloo shook her head again, growing more desperate. She was shuffling her back legs and her tail was pressed flat against her backside. Her breathing was growing ragged.

“Not without letting the balloons fly.”

Sweetie was already looking for a place for her friend to go. For being such an impressive city, Manehattan sure didn’t believe in public bathrooms. Sure, earth ponies didn’t have to go as often and in a big city ponies were going to use them for gross things more often than going potty anyway, but it was still ridiculous.

They were caught out in the open, too, not a bush in sight. With so many ponies around, no privacy and a line to enter the museum that moved at a snail’s pace, the situation was truly desperate. She stepped out of the line, taking a few paces down the sidewalk. There were a couple of small stores and cafes, but most had the same sign

+Bathroom for customers only+

It wasn’t like she wouldn’t pay a few bits to get out of a messy situation, but everywhere was packed with ponies and there just wasn’t time. She knew very well how temperamental her friend’s belly could be. Just as panic was about to set in, she noticed a narrow dark alley between two tall brick houses, barely wide enough to accommodate a grimy dumpster. Probably the only place for miles around that had any privacy – and by the smell of it, ponies had used it before. She ran the short distance back and whispered the directions in Scootaloo’s ear.

“You’re a life saver,” Scootaloo whispered back and gave Sweetie a thankful nuzzle. “Hold my spot.”

Scootaloo dashed to the alley as fast as she dared with the mounting pressure. It was good that Manehattan ponies didn’t pay any attention to anypony other than themselves, so nopony even noticed her as she slipped into the alley – squeezing past the dumpster and hoping not to pop while doing it.

The alley smelled only slightly worse than the city did on average and it was surprisingly clean. +It’s not going to stay that way+, Scootaloo thought as she hurriedly pulled down her shorts and undies. She held them out of the way as best she could with her arm and kicked her shorts as far away from the line of fire as she could.

There were ponies trotting by constantly, but she was well hidden in the shadows. It wasn’t the most dignified spot she had ever done an emergency poop in, but she didn’t really care as she leaned against the opposing wall and took a deep breath. Anything was infinitely better than filling her pants in front of everypony.

Her tail hiked up and over her flank the moment she let it go. Her bladder began to empty out first and a golden arc of warm pee splattered all over the opposite wall and the side of the dumpster, trickling down into a growing puddle in the dirt.

“Aaah, Finally,” Scootaloo sighed in relief. There was no stopping it now, she was going to have her relief.

As the stream died down, she could push harder. Her bowels knew this was their cue and she could feel the stubborn rock of manure begin to move. Scootaloo felt how the compacted clump of solid manure forced her open as it began to slide out of her. Scootaloo groaned, but kept steady. The first piece slid out slowly and almost painfully before finally falling to the ground with a thunk. The next one was almost as big but came out faster and easier, falling with a softer thud. The next one followed immediately after, slipping out easily and landing with a gooey splat.

“Oh mare, here it comes,” Scootaloo moaned quietly.

She knew there was +so much+ more to follow as the horse apples fell out one after another, becoming softer and mushier until the blockage was gone. There was a short pause before her belly gurgled like a bath tub drain, followed by a massive, continuous fart. It was only a small interlude, as more substantial stuff was already rushing towards the exit.

Scootaloo braced against the wall as the torrent of diarrhea began, first sputtering with gas and then pouring out of her in a thick unbroken rope of mustard slurry. She could hear how it splattered and splashed loudly and sloppily all over everything behind her, but she could feel no embarrassment. Instead, her cheeks flushed cherry red and her wings buzzed from the immense pleasure and relief of finally releasing her desperate and aching bowels. She couldn’t have cared or even noticed if somepony was watching her and the disgusting mess she was making - nothing had ever felt +so good+. There was a strange and naughty thrill to so shamelessly emptying out her bowels as ponies trotted by just a few feet from her. She had done it in the many bushes around Ponyville many times before, but going someplace as public as this was strangely +exciting+.

“Fffuuuuck~”

She felt like what her aunties sometimes sounded like when they thought Scootaloo wasn’t listening. She didn’t really know what +‘cumming’+ was, but it couldn’t have been better than this. Her entire body shivered with pure relief and bliss. It was possible nopony had ever felt so completely satisfied as she did right then. All the pressure and weight in her belly was gone, making her feel as light as a feather. The smell barely even registered in her little corner of heaven. There was only bliss.

Finally, she was completely empty. Her legs were still shaking, but her smile was positively glowing. Slowly, she caught her breath.

Turning to look at the huge steaming disaster she had caused made her blush even brighter. Chunky mustardy goop was flowing down the brick wall and anything solid she had made was completely covered in the same goop. Bits of it had splattered along the wall and all over the side of the dumpster. Some poor pony was going to have to rinse it out with a hose. Or it being Manehattan, more likely anypony to stumble upon her mess would probably decide it was somepony else’s problem, and trot out the way they came. It was kind of impressive really – nopony would ever believe a little pegasus filly had made such a huge mess.

As the euphoria was slowly wearing off, Scootaloo began to realize she didn’t have any form of paper with her, toilet or otherwise – and this was definitely a wiping job if there ever was one. At least she had gotten her undies out of the way.

+Looks like you’re going commando+, she thought as she began to wipe.

imported from https://derpibooru.org/images/3076361